When the Godess dies, the chaos of Valhalla is unleashed

(via chosenxbyxetro)

I’m canceling all therapy and doctors this week, I think. I’d like to start lookin for another. Therapist at least. And come the end of the year I’ll have to anyway, because insurance.

Something is missing - I feel this big void of something that Needs to be there.

Allowing myself a day of feeling like absolute shit and not giving a crap.

Lots of Theatrhythm Curtain Call playing.

#personal  #dumb  

Anonymous asked: I found that talk therapy was very beneficial, but i had to go through 3 therapists before i found one i really clicked with. It can be very discouraging, but i hope you don't give up because you don't like the one you're with

I not giving up I’m just frustrated with a therapist that I feel wants me to do things the only way she wants to do them. I’m tired of devoting my free time to shit on her whim.
And for the moment I’m putting it all aside and saying fuck it. Therapy is supposed to move you forward not make you feel like shit an more confused in. negative way. Ugh.

Not meaning to bitch at you, just bitching in general. I know it’s all trial and error from experience. It’s just frustrating.

I’m getting really fed up with my therapist. I wish I never started to see one.

(via positivemotivation)

(via the-absolute-best-posts)

Lipton tea reminds me of the hospital now. I tend to only rely on it when I’m low on other teas, but now it gives me the chills.

This has been the most scarring trip to hospital I’ve ever had to take. I have nightmares and strange dreams, and I want to fight so I never see it again. Any of them.

I have so much to say, but I’m trying to stay in my head.
I have a lot going on tomorrow and Friday and I’m less than Looking forward to any of it. Oh..

"Today I smiled a LOT and didn’t die. I laughed and looked at positives instead of mistakes. I received a lot of compliments and felt autumn give me chills and warmth all at once. I didn’t die; In fact… I LIVED.

I love today. For it’s mistakes, it’s goodness, it’s forgiveness. No one can take away my goodness.”

I have a lot of important personal positive thoughts. Id like to keep them recorded here as well. Demons won’t live on forever in a constant motion, if I keep pummeling them with my good thoughts of Now.

Anonymous asked: ahh you are so beautiful~ <3 <3

Too sugar sweet.. Thank you anon :)

Healing.

The hospital held a lot of bad things for me including bad memories, grief, rock bottom (again Brandie…?) etc.
But coming home and going back to work … Opened my eyes to the good of recovery and this journey.

I feel so positive and happy for myself and what I’m going to do for ME from now on. I learned that I don’t need the perfect weight or body because there isn’t one (as much as I want it. Or tell myself I do…? I am still figuring it out.) I learned and realized how much I really don’t care about numbers as much as I convinced myself I did…. That it’s the demons of my past warping into the rituals and thoughts and urges of this disorder. The guilt and shame I have inside myself needs to go.

I was given the starting push I need to better myself and I’ve seen how good it is. How much better I feel when my health is on the up, how different my mood is.

I don’t want to stop. I want to smile and feel happy and positive for it. Not guilt. Never ever do I want to feel guilty for being positive. Fuck this eating disorder. I won’t always have good days but the good days are what is going to keep me going. Negativity sucks.

Smiling for myself and the confidence I have at the moment for my recovery will keep me hoping for tomorrow.

It’s so completely okay to feel positive, hopefully, and HAPPY. SMILE. Don’t ever feel guilty for finding confidence and positives in the day. I feel a huge confidence in taking this day for the GOOD of it. 😸👑💗💋🌞

misswallflower:

lexislost:

I wish people didn’t think silence was awkward, just enjoy it. Not every space has to be filled with words.

(via feministkittybitch)