I don’t feel like my previous ‘home’ for my journal is much that safe anymore. It doesn’t have that feeling of security, or journalisms. I don’t and didn’t want to make my tumblr into a journal, but I feel like without trying, it has morphed into a photoalbum of my soul, snippets of my thoughts and life — even without my words added to it.

I am contemplating my tumblr as my journal, with cut/read more personal entries. Nothing more than what’s already here, but perhaps admitting to myself that I ‘need’ this place to let go of bottled thoughts, will help me do so.

Will help me say “today I want to vanish from the world” without guilt. I have no other place to say these words.

My hands cannot keep up with my scrolling thoughts enough for my [written]journal as I would like, and I am much to restless to write for hours there (not to mention very OCD and cannot write without pink pens which I am always losing, so I refuse to write a word).

I don’t know why I am writing this now. Perhaps as a sort of crappy “prelude” for a new start in the same blog, journal, dreamy-land of my mind.

I’m brandie and I dream here.

Not feeling too well today, probably dehydrated. I’m not napping well, either. My heart beat feels like it’s shaking my whole body, and I keep getting lightheaded when I stand up. My mom said when she went to take my dad to get cigarettes and some food for dinner she would pick me up some Gatorade or powerade— I should go see if she did …I hope it’s the right ones.

Thank goodness for mommas ♥　

thank you for the sweetness, lovely birds.　 i’m going to lay down, maybe take some xanax, and hopefully go back to bed. tut.

How is it I work only four hours today, and still leave feeling like a worthless piece of fuck.. or at least like I need to throw up my entire inner workings.
Dear god please make me a bird.

I want to go home.
I am trying not to get upset, “triggered” in many ways, and completely stop leaving my house.
Awkward.

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feeling absolutely no good.
all my thoughts and feelings and wonders are bottled up. i wish i thought someone cared enough to let them out. this is a pointless tumblr.

it’s my own. in all ways, and yet i want to delete this. it’s completely useless to myself and everything.　

i don’t like to put these words in virtual writing. but i am shaky and have no energy. writing is hard. and i feel like i’m just going to freak. i want to get it out as quickly as possible. excuse me.

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jeszing:

have you ever looked at a window and wondered how injured you would be if you jumped out of it

(via playingdead)

campfire times was beautiful

now like always i am home. anxious and stressed and upset.